Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
only if we run a train.
done.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
These tits shall not be calmed
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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