I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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