i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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