after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
