Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
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