we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
