I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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