i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
