He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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