I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
