So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
