so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
