i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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