my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
