i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
