my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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