I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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