Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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