My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
