I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
