I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
