just come out here and I will go home with you...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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