from now on my penis is your penis
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
