somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
