don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize