It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
