He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
