So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I pour the whiskey from now on
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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