ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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