Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
