i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
