Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
