i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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