Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You ruined the universe
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
