I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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