I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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