You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
