You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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