Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
