Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
