oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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