I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
