shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
