i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
