if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
