I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
