Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
