kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
