HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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