You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
