Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
