Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
