Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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