so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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