at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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