You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
