pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When are your genitals available?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
