i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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