We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
