Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Randomize
