Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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