I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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