I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I understand Curling. That high.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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