Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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