if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
