Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
