And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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