he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
