Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
