jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
