why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
