The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
