but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
