all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
