Your mouth is God's brothel.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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