she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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