I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
