how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
