im drinking this country out of the recession.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
