So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
