so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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