WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
People in love make me want to vomit
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
