Who did Billy Mays play for?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
