just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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