so that wasnt chicken after all
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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