if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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