that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize