Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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