So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
