I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
