your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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