watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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