Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
