sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
