Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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